Double Jeopardy

Fellow infidels,

He’s baaaack!! Yes, by popular demand Laetus Porcus has submitted another great blog that has plenty of pork. Not the kind politicians like to shove at us, though. If you regularly like to holler “Allah Akbar” you might want to cover your eyes or just not read this blog.  If you go ahead and read it, you can’t blame us for not warning you of the pork that is strewn throughout it. If you try to claim we didn’t warn you, we will call your bluff and say “hogwash!” Burkasrugly

Your responses to a recent blog on the culinary delectations of pork recipes was very gratifying. In order to meet the gastronomic expectations of my epicurean audience I humbly offer these new dishes.

All of them involve pork marinated in libations of alcohol. However, all chefs understand that in the cooking process the alcohol evaporates leaving only the taste of the liquid. Thus anyone can partake of these delectable offerings. All of these are traditional Southern porcine presentations. So here is my list:

Sherried Ham Mousse

Memphis Country Ham and Corn Chowder with Bourbon

Sherried Ham and Squash Casserole

Pork Steaks with Vermouth, Corn and Raisins

Marinated Pork Roast with Bourbon

Seared Pork Tenderloin with Bourbon-Molasses Glaze

Roast Pork Shoulder with Applejack Gravy

Hominy-Stuffed Pork Shoulder with Rum Gravy

Mock Louisiana Cochon de Lait

Baked Fresh Leg of Pork with Honey-Bourbon Glaze

Stuffed Ham in Sherry

Fresh Ham Braised in Beet

Barbecued Bourbon Ham Steaks

Gentleman Jack Barbecued Country-Style Ribs

(My personal favorite)

Yum ! How delectable ! Delicious unless, of course, you are one of Allah’s most favored people, i.e. a Muslim. But fear not Allah has not deserted you. Instead, it is perfectly halal to eat the still warm, quivering heart of your enemy. Whether infidel or apostate it is permitted to dine on the body of your enemy. According to Pamela Geller a Muslim savage did just that in Syria recently to a fellow Muslim of the Alawite sect.

Click here to read Geller’s blog about this horrible story.

Believe it or not, folks, cannibalism is being practiced in Syria and who knows where else in the Muslim world. The Muslim in question ripped open the belly of his enemy and tore out his heart and liver. He consumed this illicit meal in a macabre demonstration of Islamic triumphalism. So it is double jeopardy for a Muslim to consume pork marinated in sherry, beer, or bourbon. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go straight to the Muslim hell from which there is never a Get Out of Jail Card Free.

Let me see if I have this right. It is Haram (forbidden) to consume pork sautéed in any type of alcohol. But it is Halal (permitted) to rip out the guts and offal of another human being and consume this bloody offering in the presence of the monster god Allah. Ah, it all makes perfect sense. Now Allah is authorizing cannibalism. The Islamic world continues to slip further and further into the bloody savagery of pre-history.

Was Mohammed perchance a cannibal ?

Laetus Porcus

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